There was a part of me that was nervous to talk about the current state of my life, not wanting to come across as bragging or anything. So getting a positive response has been really appreciated given I am both excited and terrified at finally getting this opportunity. I am lucky to have people in my life (even if I don't see you all the time) that have faith in me, and it's a little overwhelming -- but in the best of ways.
There's another part of me that keeps forgetting why I am here in the first place, and it's actually making things a little difficult. This change largely came about because I kept getting sick, and the last time a doctor told me very seriously that if I didn't get better I was to take myself to the emergency room immediately. Not great.
On the upside, a week later, I can breathe better than I could then: I can walk up and down stairs without wheezing, I can inhale deeply and not cough hard enough to bring up a lung or two. But I'm still tired and nauseous at every turn, which is not an enjoyable way to spend a day, to say nothing of several in a row.
There is a part of me that wants to jump on myself anytime I am not taking every free moment to Create A Thing(TM). It's a part of myself that also is bad at relaxing now that my "job" is to be creative, so I can't bring myself to take time to putter around and be idle, even if I've "done stuff" during the day. If I'm not careful, this is going to cause problems, so I want to take the time to call it out now so I can't say I wasn't aware of it.
The fact of the matter is, I'm still sick. It's entirely possible I will be for a while, given how hard my ass has been kicked in recent weeks between strep and tonsillitis and THEN super pneumonia. Add to that several months and years of chronic depression and exhaustion and I'm basically being silly to expect so much of myself all at once.
I want to achieve things now, and I'm having trouble remembering that achievement takes time -- ESPECIALLY when you need to rebuild after a rough patch. To quote one of my favorite drag queens in the whole world, Latrice Royale, "Good god, get a grip girl!"
Those 5 Gs are very important and I really should take them to heart as I am working this out and trying to get myself to a better place physically and mentally. I won't be able to keep this up if I burn myself out through overexertion. So this is me getting a grip while also attempting to kick much ass in the coming days.
Hell yeah and whatnot.